2/3/14

My last post was Nov of '12.  So it has been over a year.  I had a revelation or at least an intuition recently and wanted to post about it.  It has to do with control.  I find it very difficult to have a lot of desire in my life lately.  That is the goal but it seems to me it is not right.  It grows more from a lack of freedom.  I feel that before I do anything, to fulfill any dream, that I must be in control.  Like if you are in prison you would be very apathetic.  This is an observation, I don't propose right now seeking a solution.  Over the years we learn we are not in control of others or the weather and so on.  We learn to accept life on life's terms, but we hang on to the belief that we can control ourselves.  Every time something happens we do not like and label it as "bad" we are reminded that we are not in control.  We did not decide for that to happen.  Eventually, there is a tendency to give up.  This is not the goal is it?  One possible solution is to make the desires of others my desires.  This sounds good in theory, that we should be selfless and love others as our selves.  The thing is I am not.  Not yet.  Perhaps when there is nothing left of the thing we call ego this is what people are forced to turn to.  The other thing is maybe the lesson is to learn how to do both.  To learn how to do what you can without a guarantee of results or that everything will be under your control.  How do we learn this?