5/15/12

Sitting meditation is very important.  I think I commented in a post that I had gotten into the habit of simply being mindful all the time as best I could.  I returned to a period of sitting meditation for only 15 minutes a day once a day but everyday day and I can already tell the difference.  Another thing I am doing that I think is helpful is naming the sensations.  If I am angry rather than just trying to look at it, I say to myself "this is me being angry."  By labeling the experience for some reason it takes away its power.  I had an incident today which previously would have been very upsetting.  I had spent some time organizing and putting things into a container and ended up dropping it and spilling everything out on the floor.  I did not have one iota of upsetting emotions.  I was not happy about it but it did not ruin my whole day and I was able to pick everything up and put it away again.  Who was that?  It was very out of character for me.  I think what I am coming to realize is that this is not about becoming a good person or a better person so much as it is about learning who you are and learning to accept yourself with your faults.  I may in meditation realize that I spend a lot of time thinking a worrying what others think.  On the outside I could care less but on the inside it really is important to me to be liked and respected.  It slowly sinks in that this is me.  I don't deny it but accept it.  At the same time I realize that the obsessiveness can cause suffering.  I can see how a picture in my mind can lead to an emotion that leads to a thought that leads to a physical feeling in my body and that I might want to do something else than create pain for myself.  For a long time I was thinking that there is not choice but I think there is some choice if you are conscious of what you are doing early enough in the chain of events to do something else.  A good day.