Diet

Last winter I went on a weight loss program.  I was much more successful than I expected.  I lost 45 pounds and my medication was reduced substantially.  As I entered the summer, I still wanted to lose some more but it was getting hard.  Summer has too many fun things happening that involve food so I decided to take the summer off.  Now, I am ready to restart my healthy eating and exercise program.  What has this to do with Buddhism?  Buddhism can be regarded as a religion but that is not what interests me.  It can also be regarded as a philosophy.  Some of the ideas and beliefs in Buddhism are very important and I want to understand the thinking.  But what is most important to me right now is Buddhism as a school of psychology.  There is suffering.  It has a cause.  By eliminating the cause we can eliminate the consequence.  The cause is our  own  dysfunctioning mind that can never be satisfied and actually seeks out dissatisfaction but can be made healthy through meditation and the development of compassion.  I love pleasure.  I had a fairly normal weight into my thirties.  Then, I just started to gain and gain and gain.  I love the taste of good food.  I will eat much more than I need or want just because it tastes so good.  I do not eat just because I am hungry.  The hunger can be long gone and I will continue to eat because I love the taste.  As I result I gained weight.  This is one example of how our desire can lead to unhappiness.  I want to be happy so I eat, eating makes me fat so I am unhappy.  It is not just the flavor and taste of food either.  I am not sure when this happened but somewhere along the way I picked up the habit of eating when I am lonely, bored or sad.  Eating is comforting and makes me feel better.  It is a little like a mood altering drug.  If I am down I can elevate my mood by having some food.  Again, this does not work.  I want to lift my spirits, I eat, my spirits are lifted temporarily but as I gain weight I get depressed.  I also will get sad and feeling ashamed/guilty because I lost control.  I gave in to my desire and was weak.  So, summertime is over and it is time to get back on the program.  I think there will be lots of opportunities to practice Buddhist principles as I learn about my cravings and needs and desires and emotions.    

Some teachers and teaching Compatable with Buddhism

In these last couple of weeks I have attempted practicing what I have written.  Whenever I catch myself angry or attached I stop and look at it.  Usually the feeling disappears so quickly that sometimes I cannot even know what it was about.  I will get a sudden twinge of negativity and as soon as I pay attention to it, it is gone and I cannot even determine why or what it was about.  Other times the feeling will just linger and I still cannot determine the object or what the feeling is aimed at.  There is a Buddhist nun by the name of Pema Chodron who I have listened to once on a PBS special and I am currently reading one of her books.  She writes we should neither indulge nor repress these feelings.  So, even though I am no expert on her teaching it seems to me that what she suggests and what I have read from other Buddhists, that by just paying attention to the feelings they will, in time, subside.  What happens is that slowly instead of being an angry person you become the observer of the angry person.  It is as if you create a higher self.  This self can eventually observe the attachment or the anger but is not attached or angry.  One of the beliefs of Buddhism is that there is no soul (Anatta.)  What they mean is that there is no permanent ego that has these feelings and thoughts and sensations.  Instead who and what we are is the collection of thoughts and feelings and sensations we experience.  We are the experience we are having.  I have to admit that sometimes this is of no help at all.  Sometimes the negativity just lingers there.  At those times I try to take my attention off of it.  One way I find effective is getting present.  Most of our feelings are really about things in the past or might be in our future.  There is a teacher by the name of Eckhart Tolle.  I don't believe he claims to be a teacher of Buddhism but I think what he teaches is very compatible with Buddhism.  He says that we ought to be in the here and now.  For example, If we have a bill that is due next week; we may be worried, we may be angry with ourselves for not having already paid it we may fear that good credit rating we are attached to and so proud may be damaged and the credit company will no longer love you.  It sounds funny but our thinking can be funny and distorted.  Well, what if you just pay attention what is happening right now?  Feel the temperature of the air.  Feel your physiology, are you hungry?  Are you comfortable?  Look around and see what is to be seen, listen to the sounds in you environment.  I have heard many Buddhists call this getting present.  Usually all those thoughts and emotions that were triggered by that upcoming bill disappear.  Our negativity is rarely in the here and now but often about things past and future.  This is a form of calm abiding meditation in my view.  I struggle whether this should rightly be called by Buddhists Right mindfulness or Right concentration.  It has the affect of concentration but I can see it also as being mindful.  It does not really matter to me right now.  Perhaps I will study this more thoroughly later.  A question comes up though that what if your worry is happening right now?  Should we not become aware of it in that case.  Well, now we have gone full circle.  Yes, of course but I brought this up as a solution of when the negative feeling is just lingering there and it has become the case that you are simply dwelling in negativity.  At that point I was suggesting getting present.  The other thing one can do also is meditation.  I am not going to try and teach meditation on a blog.  My experience with it is that you focus on something and your mind will eventually get distracted and once you become aware of that you return to focusing.  It clears the mind, some say it empties the mind.  It is restful and can give moments of real mental clarity while in a non-meditative state.  I am learning that if one does not get relief from that pain in a timely manner it will lead to behaviors that can be undesirable.  So, I suggest you catch it early and do something quickly.  I am not sure what to do about these negative feeling that don't seem to have an object.  They are almost like a precursor to an actual emotion.  Perhaps it is suffering itself before the mind attaches it to an experience and labels it.  I can almost see how they could become positive instead of negative.  They are like a knot in the pit of my stomach but could easily transform into excitement or joy.  Moving on to when you can identify an object.  There is another person who is not a Buddhist but I think is compatible with Buddhism.  That is Byron Katie.  In my view she practices a form of what might be called analytic meditation.  Instead of emotion she suggests you look at the thoughts triggering your emotions.  She looks at the negative thought and asks  these four questions: 

Is it true? 

Can you absolutely know that it's true? 

How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?  

Who would you be without the thought? 
Then she asks you to turn around the concept you are questioning, and be sure to find at least three genuine, specific examples of each turnaround.

This morning for example, the garbage can was tipped over and garbage was on my driveway.  I live in a forested area.  It is in city limits but is very rural and I am at the end of an 800' gravel driveway.  I take the garbage can to the top of the hill for pick up and return it back to the house because if I don't a bear gets into it.  Well, I did not get to it this week.  My mom went ahead and walked to the top of the hill and dumped some garbage yesterday.  I saw her do it and actually had the thought that I need to bring the can back down to the house.  I didn't.  This morning when I walked up to bring the can back down I saw the garbage on the driveway and immediately got mad at my mom.  I caught myself and began to look at my feelings.  I had no anger at the bear.  I had no anger at myself for not bringing the can down yesterday.  My only thought was to criticize and admonish my mother for being "so stupid."  I laugh at it now.  We are such funny people to have such thoughts.  Anyway, I quickly realized that she was not "bad" or "stupid" or any other label we put on things or that my life would be so wonderful if I just did not have to contend with her ruining my life.  I still had to deal with what should I do.   I could say nothing.  In that case I think the feeling would fester for awhile and come out later.  I could choose to be angry.  That is when I look at my feeling I become the observer and I am not really angry but  I am in a position where  I could decide to be that angry person if  I wanted.  I settled on simply reporting what happened without anger or criticism.  Byron Katie would instead have me realize that the negative thought I had may not be true realize how I get angry when having the thoughts and that I might not be a person  I am comfortable with if I did not have the thought.  In other words maybe I want to be judgmental and critical.   I think this is long enough.  I wanted to cover Dyer and connecting to source too but maybe next time.                                              

Problematic Emotions - Attachment

Attachment is the opposite of anger in this respect.  With anger the mind labels our experiences with people, places and things as unpleasant and we develop an aversion.  With attachment, the mind labels our experiences as pleasant, we are instead drawn toward the experience not away from it.  At first it is difficult to see this as harmful.  We all can understand how anger can create harm but how is attachment something we would want to renounce?

  First, there are the extreme examples.  I am sure I am not the only one who has fallen in love with someone who does not feel the same.  Hurts don't it?  I know there have been occasions where someone has been crazy about me but I just did not have the same feelings and could not return what was desired.  On the one hand you can become more insistent that the person feel what you want them to feel.  This becomes a desire to possess the other.  When we do not allow others to have their own point of view, their own values we are creating great harm.  This amounts to oppression in my view.  Some couples are like this.  I think it happens more often with women than men.  They are sometimes not allowed to have the friends they want or the hobbies they want and do not have free time and do whatever they choose.  In short, they lose their freedom.  On the other hand, let's say your dream comes true and the person loves you back as much as you love him or her.  Because, just like anger, attachment is an exaggeration you will usually find out that they are not the person you thought they were.  Attachment distorts your perception just like anger does.  You find out that they are not as nice (or naughty) as you thought and become disappointed.  Lastly, even if they were everything you wanted them to be and loved you back as much as you love them, will it last?  People change and so do our feelings and sadly we all, some day, pass away.  One family story has my grandmother dying and my grandfather apparently sitting out on the lawn under a tree or on the porch in a stupor for two or three months and dying of a broken heart.  The other story has him dying because he was so used to her waiting on him hand and foot.  Either way it is attachment.

Attachment can make for great literature and songs but in the real world can also do a lot of harm.  Well, what's wrong with a little harm?  Is it not better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?  It is totally up to you. Buddhism offers a way to relieve suffering but you certainly do not have to be a monk or renounce everything.  Buddhists can have families and friends.  They will be more detached and less possessive than most others but they are human.

There is another aspect of attachment.  Various addictions whether it is drinking or TV or food are attachments also.  They can in time also be managed and eliminated through meditation and detachment.  But in some respects they differ.  It seems to me that the attraction we have to them is that they are a way of avoiding things we do not like instead of being drawn to them in their own right.  This business of avoiding what we do not like and being attracted to what we do like is really two sides of the same coin and it may not make a difference that counts.  My point is we may not like our job.  We grow to hate it.  Then we end up spending the weekend drinking beer and watching TV.  Are we doing it because we love being lazy or do we do it because we want to avoid thinking about Monday when we have to return to work.  In time meditation, both calm abiding - Shamatha and special insight – Vipasyana or analytic meditation can help.

Now as a lay Buddhist, my goal is not to forsake and renounce all temptation or the avoidance of all things unpleasant.  I think that when we are lonely we need to connect to others and if we do not we will not be healthy.  I think when we are angry it may very well be a healthy sign that something is wrong and that you need to stand up for yourself.  So I don't intend to notice the feelings and then try to eliminate them or call them bad.  I intend to listen to them and learn what they are trying to tell me.  In some cases they will be destructive and I will want to renounce them but in others I may want to act on them but in a sane manner.

Problematic Emotions -- Anger

I have been posting everyday in order to quickly cover some basics and familiarize myself with the website I'm using to guide me along the way.  I will probably slow down to once a week or so because I am getting to where I actually put into use and practice Buddhist principles.

As we have covered, the mind creates its own suffering.  It creates emotions that distort our view of what is happening and provoke us into behaving in ways that cause ourselves and others pain and misery.  The first emotion I want to explore is anger. When things happen our mind labels the experience as pleasant or unpleasant or neutral. When we decide it is unpleasant we have an aversion to it.  We want to get away or we want it to get away from us.  We need to create some distance.  It is an aversion.  We want to avoid getting what we do not want, we want to avoid unhappiness, we want to avoid being unknown, and we want to avoid blame.  To do this we exaggerate. It's not just that the person did something and we were hurt.  No, all of a sudden they are a bad person.  We exaggerate how awful they are and how hurtful they were.  See how that is a delusion?  See how that is a distortion of what really happened?  That is how a Buddhist might define anger; it is an aversion but with an exaggerated point of view.

In the eight fold path I listed “Correct Understanding.” It was the fifth one on the list.  I have seen it also called “Right View” and listed number one.  So now the question becomes, how can we restore or create a right view or correct understanding. The first thing is; we do not repress the emotion.  I am a person who rarely loses their temper but inside I am a seething cauldron of anger. I stuff it and this is not the solution.  We are neither to repress nor do we indulge the emotion (from Pema Chodron.)  We can go ahead and feel the feeling but we try not to act out.  Instead, we do what is called "analytic meditation."  In Buddhism there are two forms of meditation. One is called “Samatha” and the other is "Vipassana."  The first is what we ordinarily call meditation.  It focuses on something like the breath for example.  It has a calming and quieting effect.  It is covered by Correct Concentration in the eight fold path. The other is covered by Correct Mindfulness. It is, in this case, paying attention to the emotion and feeling it.  It pays attention to where it came from and what it is doing to us.  What thoughts are created, what other feelings or memories does it trigger?  By analyzing it in this way we correct the distortions.  We might realize that the person was not as bad or as hurtful as we made he or she out to be.  In daily practice, if we were working on this emotion and we had the time to devote to it, we might do a calming meditation for twenty minutes or so followed by up to an hour of analytic meditation.  In this way, over time, we develop a habit of not immediately getting angry over things.  Without doing this, getting angry can develop into a habit and actually get worse over time. We can become quick to anger and develop all kinds of prejudice and bigotry.

That is a problem with me.  Before I stop and think I say something that I shouldn't and the damage is done.  Once, I had a friend that was hospitalized and I visited her everyday.  Well, I hate hospitals but that is what friends do so I did it.  I repressed the feeling and after awhile I got very selfish and did not think I was getting enough appreciation and pretty fed up.  After she was released she had an emergency and had to go back. She called late at night for a ride home and I picked her up but I was angry enough that I said something that was cruel and hurtful.  She is still a friend but I am afraid that we will never be as close as we once were.  All we can do in a case like that is do the analytic meditation afterward and maybe prevent incidents like that from happening again.  I don't hate hospitals like I did but I can still be self righteous and hurt about fairness and who is giving more and so on.  That leads me to the opposite of anger which I will write about next time; attachment.  The feeling one has when losing a friend or losing a lover, or wanting to be closer to a friend or lover can be just as distorting and delusional as anger but it is based on an attraction instead of an aversion.

The Third Jewel (and more)

This is going to be a short blog and close out the preamble or orientation so we can get to the meat of Buddhism.

The Sangha is the last of the three jewels. It is the community of Buddhists. Sometimes it is broadly defined as all Buddhists, sometimes more narrowly as the monks or nuns in a monastery and sometimes very narrowly as the Buddhists that have achieved the awakened state.  I think it could be thought of in the same way as Christians talk about the church. It is the group of people that are your brothers and sisters. The need for love and belonging runs very deep. Even someone who likes to be independent and alone has a powerful need to be connected to a group. Maybe not a lot of people and maybe not very often but they need it as much as food or water.

Buddhism is divided into three major groups or traditions. The Theravada (Hinayana,) the Mahayana and the Tantric. I may have to learn a lot more before I can talk about these schools. The basic difference is that one school believes that all can achieve this enlightened state and another says that only some can while a third say it can be achieved through ritualistic almost magical acts.

So what is the Sangha centered about? What core beliefs hold them together? What is the Dharma? The Four Noble Truths is really the next lesson but I had so little to say I am going to start with that now.

The first is that there is suffering. Well duh. I can't imagine anyone arguing with this. The word used is "Dukkha" but the English translation is normally "Suffering." It is not just the pain we experience when bad things happen it is also the sense of dissatisfaction we can have in life. We always seem to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

The second noble truth is there is a cause. In some places I have read the cause being named selfishness in other places I have read it as the self or the ego.  In any case the reason that we experience suffering comes from our own mind. According to Buddhism, our suffering comes about because our mind deludes itself and because of these delusions, we engage in actions that cause problems to ourselves and others. With every negative action (karma) we do, we create a potential for negative experiences. A couple of the main delusions we engage in are attachment and anger. In these states we cannot see what is happening accurately and make bad decisions about what we ought to do. When we are angry we do not see the person as they are but as worse than they are. We say harsh things to them and about them and cause them suffering and for ourselves as well.

The third noble truth is that by removing the cause we can remove the effect. So if we can develop a mind that does not engage in delusional thinking we will not engage in behavior that causes suffering for ourselves or others. Sounds pretty simple so how do we do this?

The fourth noble truth lays out an eightfold path that if followed will rid ourselves of these self created delusions and reduce even eliminate suffering.

(copied from website)

1. Correct thought: avoiding covetousness, the wish to harm others and wrong views (like thinking: actions have no consequences, I never have any problems, there are no ways to end suffering etc.)
2. Correct speech: avoid lying, divisive and harsh speech and idle gossip.
3. Correct actions: avoid killing, stealing and sexual misconduct
4. Correct livelihood: try to make a living with the above attitude of thought, speech and actions.
5. Correct understanding: developing genuine wisdom.
6. Correct effort: after the first real step we need joyful perseverance to continue.
7. Correct mindfulness: try to be aware of the "here and now", instead of dreaming in the "there and then".
8. Correct concentration: to keep a steady, calm and attentive state of mind.
   

The Second Jewel

This lesson was about the Dharma or the Teaching. It is divided into two parts. One part talks about the scriptures as documents; how old they are, where they came from, how they should be treated. It is hard for me to ascribe much value to a piece of paper. I guess I can understand if a Bible were being burned how a devout Christian might react. I am not devoid of that feeling. I get a twinge of irritation if I see the flag spat upon or burned. But I realize it is a symbol and cannot ascribe a lot of value to it. I think the origin of those irritations is really seeing people hate the country not the flag or seeing people hate the religion not the Bible. Ultimately these acts boil down to people showing their hatred of Americans or Christians and I just don't like seeing people hate people.

The second part was about the scriptures as the teachings of Buddhism. This is what I think rightly is called the Dharma. The focus should not be on the one teaching but what is taught.  A particular person may have charisma and people may believe what is preached because of that. Buddhism warns against this, emphasizing the focus should be on the teaching not the teacher. Also, the focus should be on the meaning of what is written and not on the words. It is a pet peeve of mine how arguments often are about semantics. Someone says something and rather than looking at whether what is meant is true the argument becomes whether the right word was used. Some of that is good but it can be a misused distraction too. Some other warnings are listed in what is known as “The Kalama Discourse” summarized as follows:

"Do not believe a spiritual teaching just because:
1. it is repeatedly recited,
2. it is written in a scripture,
3. it was handed from guru to disciple,
4. everyone around you believes it,
5. it has supernatural qualities,
6. it fits my beliefs anyway,
7. it sounds rational to me,
8. it is taught by a respectable person,
9. it was said to be the truth by the teacher,
10. one must defend it or fight for it.

Only when the teaching agrees with your experience and reason, and when it is conducive to the good and gain of oneself and all others, then one should accept the teachings, and live up to them."

This is important. In Buddhism there is little room for faith. Everything should be tested and agreed upon. I think it is great to have a teaching that teaches the importance of deciding for yourself if it is true or not. It is open minded in that way. I think the Dali Llama has said recently that if science proves something is true that runs counter to Buddhist teachings then it is the Buddhist teachings that must change. That is such a relief to be free from any brow beating or thought that you have to believe this or you go to hell. Buddhism really respects the individual's mind not with a take if or leave it attitude but with a take as much as you like and agree with attitude. Pretty Cool.

The First Jewel

The suggestion of the website I am following and is my guide in this journey is to start my study with what are called "The Three Jewels."

The first is the Buddha himself.  I think the important thing about the Buddha is to know that he was not a god, he was a human being like you or me.  That means that this enlightenment that he experienced, everyone is capable of experiencing.  I agree he was a human being.  I am not so convinced that everyone following this path will or even can experience what he experienced.  I think there is some mystery, some magick and perhaps some luck or deity that controls our revelations.  Certainly, most Buddhists will not attain the enlightenment he did.  Even so, all are capable of making progress toward this ultimate goal.  I don't think that the ultimate goal is even practical or should be sought by all.  I think we get as much as we need and as much as we give to the quest.

The Buddha was a privileged young man.  He was a noble and affluent and I suppose naive.  He lived a good life full of pleasure.  Then, he was confronted by the suffering in the world and became obsessed with finding a cure. The compassion he felt, I think, was an awakening but not the great awakening he was later to receive.  Sometimes when we see people suffering we are compelled to help.  Sometimes when we see animals suffering we are compelled to help.  This is good and we can help sometimes.  What Buddha saw though was old age and sickness and death.  These are not problems that can be solved no matter how much we care.  All we can really do about those problems is change our attitude about them and comfort those who are afflicted.

So he decided to leave his palace and go out into the world to learn from those who sought a spiritual life.  He learned forms of meditation and became an ascetic.  It almost killed him until he realized that not only was his former life of pleasure not a path to what he sought but neither was a life of asceticism.  There needs to be what he called a "middle way."  I love this.  A Greek philosopher who taught about the same time wrote about a golden mean.  When we go to one extreme or another we miss the truth that lies between.  Some of his fellow seekers abandoned him after this; thinking he had given up.

Not long after this during meditation he had his great awakening and began to teach.  He was reunited with his friends and Buddhism was born. 

His story is not mine and I am not he.  I think we can all find similarities and differences.  I do relate to having had an attitude of a nobleman in my youth.  It is funny because I was certainly not from a noble family.  If I had been though I would have fit right in!  I still struggle with class distinction but I have flip flopped.  Now, I feel more like I am part of the working class instead of the upper class like I used to.  I have never been an ascetic.  I think my life has been pretty hedonistic.  I try and get as much pleasure as I can.  Of course, with older age that is darn little!  I don't feel guilty about it but I do realize how self-destructive it can be if one is not careful.  As far as an awakening I have had a profound religious experience in my life.  I may talk more about this later.  It certainly was not the experience he had because mine was short lived.  Although it did change me, it did not transform me into what I would call "enlightened."  Lastly as far as teaching, I am all for sharing but I do not have any desire to teach others.  I think it would be presumptuous of me to think I can tell anyone how they should live or even be an example of how one should live.  I am going to follow this path and if there is an opportunity to share what I have learned and someone else can learn too that is fine but I will not teach.                

On Becoming a Buddhist

This is a first for me.  I have kept diaries and I even did a diet journal that could be viewed by people participating in the plan.  I have a vague memory of starting one when I had a Myspace or a Livejournal but I am not sure.  So why now?  I have made a decision to become a Buddhist and I think this journey is going to require lots of journaling.  I suppose the similarity in the words tells us they are related and that this is appropriate.  Ordinarily, this would be a private affair and I really don't see being followed but I welcome any thoughts and feedback anyone who happens across these words cares to share.  Where to begin--

I am 59 which is pretty old to be starting any vision quest but it is in front of me to do.  I have studied some Buddhist ideas for many many years.  For the most part I have agreed with what I have read but have never made any commitment to follow its ethics or be a practicing Buddhist.  As a kid I remember hearing something about the cause of suffering being selfishness and it making sense to me.  Of course, I had mistaken ideas about what is meant by the self and what is meant by suffering.  Then in college I studied Buddhism.  I was a philosophy major and it was required.  During college I also learned Transcendental Meditation.  My interest in TM was very much based on the health benefits of regular meditation.  Many years later I came across Wicca.  I was interested in a nature based religion, thinking that it is our separation from what is natural that causes so much confusion.  During that time I was reacquainted with the idea of karma and reincarnation and also meditation.  Then, just a few years ago I went to a lecture on meditation as practiced by Zen Buddhists.  In my correspondence with the teacher I made a decision to call my self a Buddhist and really devote myself to the practice.  As they say you can never really understand someone or something until you take that leap of faith and commit to it or them.  Where I live there is little in the way of getting instruction but thankfully there is the internet.  I found a yahoo group and that led me to a website and I am on my way!  So my plan is to go through the teaching on the website as suggested and learn and read and practice and reflect and blog.