Samsara

Today I want to write about the Buddhist concept of Samsara.  "Samsara" means the continuous flow of life. Buddhists believe that our existence continually churns in a cycle of birth, suffering and rebirth.  When we study this idea it has to do with death and rebirth.  It is common to refer to this as "reincarnation" but for the people who believe this it is something different.  When there is enlightenment we are removed from that merry-go-round.  We no longer live on a eternal cycle, doomed to suffer eon after eon.   I don't know what to believe about what happens after death.  It is a mystery but there is another way to look at it.  I believe in samsara in the sense that we live our lives in turmoil.  Our minds constantly churn.  We are always looking and coming up with thoughts and feelings that we think need to be satisfied.  The desire rises, we satisfy it, it dies and then desire arises once more.   I have noticed in these last weeks since going back on my healthy diet that I ask myself "am I hungry?" "what would be good to eat?"  It isn't as if I am hungry and want to eat.  It is that I am asking myself if I am hungry so that I can eat.  I used to smoke.  Smoking became an excuse to take a break from working.  My mind would get a twinge of temptation and I would ask myself how long has it been since I smoked?  Can I smoke or would my lungs be too irritated?  In my youth I drank way too much.  I loved the euphoric experience it gave me.  I was always looking for reasons to drink and evaluating just how much more can I drink and how soon can I drink.  This churning of mental activity is what I call "samsara."  There is a study that shows men think of sex about every 52 seconds.  That's normal activity?  I would hate to know how often the sexual addicts and men that are abnormal think about it.  When I was young I used to go to bars and concerts and out dancing.  So, I would order a drink and sip on that for awhile and then I would light up a cigarette, then I would look around to check out the ladies.  My God! it is so cliche' and stereotypical.  My mind was on the prowl for anything to occupy itself.  Just sitting there and watching people and enjoying the experience was not even an option.  It is if I had to be dissatisfied in order to seek satisfaction and get dissatisfied all over again in and endless wheel of unhappiness.  As I got older I adopted a different lifestyle.  I quit drinking and smoking and started to have more wholesome fun.  One winter I went up to Mt. Hood every weekend and skied.  Then, I spent a year sailing a couple of times a week followed by joining a racing club and sailing there.  Later, I spent a year scuba diving.  I went to Mexico just to go scuba diving.  Now don't get me wrong.  I had a lot of fun doing these things.  Some of my fondest memories are of these things.  I just can see that what was really going on was I jumping from hobby to hobby seeking happiness and not finding it.  Even my spiritual journey is suspect.  I was raised without any religion and became an atheist.  Then I had a born again experience and became a Christian, later I studied Wicca and neo-paganism.  Now I am a Buddhist but even since I started the blog I have started studying Kabbalah.  I wonder if this is just the same old thing?  On a positive note the seeking and restlessness and nervous energy does result in a variety of life experience.  My spiritual journey is unique and everything has added to who I am and what I believe is important.  There is no right or wrong, good or bad, I just need to be aware of what I am doing and try to gain insight about the process.